Warning! Charlie Sheen is now piloting the Interwebs….Heaven help us!
On Tuesday afternoon, the Twitterverse went wild as the troubled Two and a Half Men actor joined the web’s leading microblogging website — Twitter.com — and gained nearly 90,000 followers in under two hours.
Just imagine the Tweets this coked-out kook will deliver!
“It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard,” is just one of the pearlers Charlie has dropped lately.
“Winning..! Choose your Vice…” Charlie wrote in his first Tweet, linking to an accompanying a picture of him and one of his “goddesses” holding a bottle of fruit juice and a bottle of chocolate milk.
Sheen wants $3 million for every Two and a Half Men episode he graces with his cracked-out crazy eyes – we say give him the money! With lines like these, the show could sack their script-writers and just get Charlie improvising in front of the camera for 30 minutes every Monday.
Check out some of our favorite Charlie Crackhead Quotables:
-“Newsflash. I am special and I will never be one of you. The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning. My success rate is 100%!”
-“I won’t take [pain pills], so I maybe hit the vodka a little too hard to reduce the pain.”
-“That was an old brain, I have a new brain. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That’s how I describe myself.”
-“I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t just perfect and just winning every second, and I’m not just perfect and bitching and just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn. Look what I’m dealing with, man. I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets, and it’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee.”
-“I am on a drug. It’s called CHARLIE SHEEN! Um, it’s not available, because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Um. Too much.”
-“There was an incident years ago where everyone thought I hit her. I was trying to contain her. I had her arms and we both went down to the ground. Her initials are B.A., I’ll give you that much. I don’t want to make the whole thing about her. I felt terrible and delivered her to a plastic surgeon and everybody said I hit her and no…. I feel bad about that one. She was attacking me, though, with, like a, a small fork. Like a cocktail fork. And she had it with her, that was the weird part. What was she doing with, like, a shrimp fork in her purse? She stole it, clearly. From a buffet.”