While Miss Kay can’t get over the flowers, the ocean, and the scenic views, Phil can’t put down the remote control. “He got every kind of jiu-jitsu known to man,” Phil says of Bourne as he watches “The Bourne Ultimatum.”
After calling Bourne a “cross between MacGuyver and James Bond,” Phil opines: “He can live off things he finds in the woods — the ultimate redneck. Kind of like the son you never had.”
Jase Robertson, of course, is endlessly amused by Willie’s troubles, pointing out, “He just looks like a whipped swamp donkey.” As these brothers will do, Jase gives Willie no end of hazing over the Hawaiian sarong he’s been forced to wear without the clothes he packed in his lost luggage. But Willie is quick to defend his cultural wardrobe choice, telling Jase, “It’s not a skirt. It’s a sarong, son.”
Since Jase decides to opt out of the overbearing itinerary, Willie counters with a little manipulation technique. He promises a “dangerous, high-risk adventure” in the jungle that Jase simply can’t refuse. The problem is, it’s really just a Segway tour. Jase tries to liven up the event by challenging Willie to a game of chicken, but all Willie can do is take a tumble off the two-wheeler into the dirt. “What is the point of this ‘adventure,’” Jase wonders. “All you’ve proven to me is that the law of gravity is more dominant than modern technology.”
Meanwhile, Miss Kay is determined to drag Phil away from Jason Bourne and schedules a couples massage. While she aims to keep it a surprise, she does reveal the plan will “make all my dreams come true,” which leads Phil to admit, “Somethin’ tells me we’re not goin’ huntin’.” When the masseuse asks Phil to remove his camouflage pants, it’s a no go. He’s scared he’s going to get the rubber glove treatment his doctor gave him last time he dropped troy, and he tells the unassuming massage artist all about it.
Phil does finally give in to the relaxation, but still doesn’t want anyone to know he went in for a lavender spa treatment. “I don’t think rednecks do this,” he says. “I’d only seen it in the movies.” This, of course, brings the discussion in the outdoor massage room back to good old Jason Bourne.
Across the island, Jase has had enough of Willie’s itinerary and is pushing him to make this a real adventure by jumping into unknown waters off a stone “Mayan ruin” (according to Si). “Take that dress off and do something,” Jase taunts. But Willie is not having it. “I am the CeO of a multi-million dollar business,” he says. “I don’t buckle to peer pressure.” Until he does. After some chicken squawks from Si, Willie goes into flashback mode and realizes he better join his brothers and take the leap.
“If they guys had read the itinerary, they would have seen that I allowed 22 minutes of free time to do stuff like this anyway,” Willie says afterward. “So it’s kinda my idea.” As always, Willie. As always.
The family ends their trip with a luau and Phil’s standard dinner table prayer. Willie’s lesson this time around? “Every now and again, you have to let your beard down and be a little spontaneous.”
Photo/Video credit: A&E