Okay, well, it isn’t so much shocking as, umm, predictable.
We love Vinny Guadagnino. But he totally brought down and otherwise perfectly fun episode of “Jersey Shore.” Turns out the guy has been battling anxiety since he was 16 and it’s bugging him pretty bad early on in his return to Seaside Heights. The guy doesn’t want to hang out with his roomies, he doesn’t want to go to Karma and he doesn’t want to drink — so obviously this is serious.
“There’s no fight left in me, so I make the decision that I’m gonna leave here,” he says after a solid 30 minutes of mooning-around-the-house footage and a heart-to-heart with his Shore Store boss, Danny.
Maybe the guy just isn’t that expressive — and we’ve met him and think that’s entirely possible — but he seems more bored than anxious. So although he does [***SPOILER ALERT***] in fact leave the “Jersey Shore” house, we have a sneaking suspicion he’ll be back. Partly because it isn’t clear that he can be separated from Pauly for more than 48 hours, but also because he’s still doing promo work for the show.
So, you know, we’ll miss you, Vinny and we hope you get yourself well. But we’ll say “arrivaderci” (until we meet again) rather than goodbye.
Meanwhile, Snooki’s TV life continues on its now familiar trajectory of drunkenly embarrassing her boyfriend, Gionni, who we have a feeling will again get to the point of swearing Snooks off before the season is out.
“Gionni’s like ‘don’t get drunk, don’t fall over’,” Snooki confesses to Deena, “he just needs to respect who I am.”
She is Snooki, hear her roar.
Pauly has his own little caper going in the form of a smoosh partner who absconds with his diamond necklace in her kooka. In the end, he’s able to solve the puzzling crime when the necklace walks back in through the front door around the neck of the chick, whose name we didn’t catch.
Honestly, not much else happened. And the fact that we can’t get too excited about Vinny’s exit is just more proof that the show, like Pauly’s sticky-fingered date, has worn out its welcome.