Jerod Harris/Getty Images for WIRED
If you thought Kevin Smith’s Twitter followers were hell in a handbag, wait until you hear about his next project.
We’re not talking about “Tusk,” either, and that’s a horror movie starring Justin Long as a guy who’s forced to wear a walrus suit. (Smith is hoping to get “Tusk” into Cannes; it’s already slotted to come out this fall thanks to A24, the studio behind “Spring Breakers” and “The Bling Ring.”)
Turns out Smith’s already cracked out a new script called “Helena Handbag” that’s about “mankind teaming up with Hell to save existence from extinction at the hands of a Rapturing giant Jesus,” according to Smith’s official Facebook page. Like “Tusk,” it’s based on an episode of the SModcast, his podcast where he and Scott Mosier riff on all things, uh, SModdy?
Of course, this is all a ways away. Smith is hoping to start production on “Clerks III” in May, but that’s gotten pushed back before, as has his hockey flick “Hit Somebody.” Relatively speaking, it seems that “Tusk” came together with a quickness, so there’s really no telling what Smith has up his hockey jersey sleeve. For the time being, we’ll be keeping a close eye on the Cannes line-up and Smith’s whiskery flick.
Gallery | 18 Unintentionally Funny Horror Movies
- ‘Troll 2’ (1990)
First of all … there aren’t even any trolls! Instead, it features a family of vegetarian goblins who want to turn humans into plants so they can eat them.
- ‘The Exorcist II: The Heretic’ (1977)
Linda Blair tap dances! James Earl Jones is dressed up as a giant locust! Richard Burton yells, “Pazuzu, prince of the evil spirits of the air, take me to Kokumo!”
- ‘The Unborn’ (2009)
A young woman is haunted by the spirit of her dead twin brother, who died in the womb. To prevent him from possessing her, it’s imperative that she walk around in her underwear.
- ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ (1959)
Considered the worst movie ever made, Ed Wood’s anti-masterpiece is so bad, it’s hilarious. The ridiculous “special effects” and cheap production values are matched by clunky, odd dialogue (“Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!”).
- ‘Shark in Venice’ (2008)
Oh, there are sharks that can bite gondolas in half, mobsters with terrible Italian accents, and lost Medici gold. But this movie had us at “starring Stephen Baldwin.”
- ‘Night of the Lepus’ (1972)
Hey, we were disturbed by “Watership Down” as kids, but this horde of killer bunny rabbits look like they can barely murder a carrot, much less full-sized humans.
- ‘Frogs’ (1972)
Amphibians finally get their revenge on a cranky old millionaire who’s been poisoning them for years. Ribbit motherf—–!
- ‘Birdemic’ (2008)
This movie is filled with a platoon of deadly vultures and eagles, which are awful, ‘90s-era animated gifs. Did the director have them saved from his old Geocities page?
- ‘The Happening’ (2008)
Mother Nature? More like Murderer Nature. We don’t know what’s funnier: Mark Wahlberg talking to a plastic houseplant or everyone running away from the wind.
- ‘The Wicker Man’ (2006
Not only does Nicolas Cage punch a woman while wearing a bear costume (hold on while we LOL for a moment), he’s killed by a mask full of bees. “Not the bees! Aaargh, oh no my eyes, my eyes aaargh!”
- ‘The Swarm’ (1978)
More killer bees! Michael Caine deserved an Oscar for keeping a straight face when saying lines like “I never dreamed, that it would turn out to be the bees. They’ve always been our friend.”
- ‘Mosquito’ (1995)
So, some aliens crash on Earth, mosquitoes feed on them, and voila — giant mutant insects that want to devour us all! The silly premise is matched by stock characters, ridiculous dialogue, and cheesy effects.
- ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation’ (1995)
It’s amusing to watch Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger trying to out-”act” each other. Plus, while there are no actual chainsaws in this movie, it does feature cross-dressing and the Illuminati. Um, OK!
- ‘Dreamcatcher’ (2003)
Wow, what a cast — Morgan Freeman, Timothy Olyphant, a young Damian Lewis (who really has come a long, long, loooong way). Just watch this.
- ‘Basket Case’ (1982)
A man carries his murderous, surgically-separated Siamese twin around in a wicker basket.
- ‘It’s Alive’ (1974)
A mutant baby flees the delivery room via skylight, roams the sewers, and goes on a killing rampage.
- ‘The Thing With Two Heads’ (1972)
A dying white racist’s head is transplanted to share a black death row inmate’s body. Hijinks ensue.
- ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare’ (1987)
Members of a hair metal rock band start to turn into demons, and only their lead singer can save the day/Canada. Tagline: “When the band starts to rock, heads start to roll.”
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