Supernatural S07E13: “The Slice Girls”
Considering the two handsome cross-country rapscallions the Winchester brothers are, it’s not surprising that sexy ladies often play their foils. Friday night’s episode of Supernatural, the unfortunately titled “The Slice Girls” (“Amazon Women in the Mood” was already taken), made women into a bunch of man-carving monsters… and Dean was the target.
Everything started when bodies began appearing with no hands or feet and a mysterious symbol carved into their chests. After meeting the first victim and the awesome quippy coroner, Sam decided to do more research, and Dean opted for the more Dean-ish response of “go boink a chick at the local meat-market bar. Thousands of women all over squealed at a shirtless Jensen Ackles as he and his workout partner Lydia got it on. But we knew Lydia wasn’t a future Mrs. Winchester because the sex scene was intercut with scenes of Lydia murdering a victim to AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” Sweet! Blood and sex, my two favorite things!
Later, Dean realized he’d left behind an old trinket of Bobby’s, his flash, at Lydia’s place and went back to retrieve it. And wouldn’t you know it, she’d already had a baby. AND that baby had been on E*Trade recently because it was talking like a blabbermouth. Looking for answers, the boys realized that all the victims had something in common: They were all recent participants in one-night stands that began at the same bar Dean where picked up his loose lady. Not good.
It turned out that several ladies in town were part of an Amazonian sect, a bunch of X/Ys who didn’t rely on men to survive except for procreation. Every few years, the women would shag dudes and have kids, and the babies must have been sprinkled with Miracle-Gro because in three days’ time the little girls that resulted from each romp in the sack became teenagers. And those teenagers had to go through an unusual tradition: To be accepted as an Amazon, they had to kill their fathers. And that meant Dean’s little bun Emma was ready to cut off Dean’s hands and feet.
Sam arrived just in time to see Dean hesitate to pull the trigger and kill his daughter, and there was a very cool role reversal of what happened earlier this season in “The Girl Next Door.” Sam shot Emma dead, just like Dean killed Sam’s old girlfriend because she was a monster. Whoa. Shoe, meet Other Foot.
“The Slice Girls” was a pretty standard monster-of-the-week episode, but really worked because of how the Winchesters got involved in the case. The investigation basically became a horrible Walk of Shame for Dean after he got Lydia pregnant, and the way the writers squeezed in the idea of Dean being on the losing end of the one-way tryst was very funny. There was still no progress with the Leviathans, but given how convoluted and uninteresting that story has become, I didn’t mind at all. What did you all think of the episode?
– All I could think of all episode long was Futurama‘s “Death by Snu Snu” episode, where Fry, Zapp, and Kif were all at the sexual whims of Amazonian women. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.”
– Even though Bobby is gone, I like how they’re keeping his “spirit” alive with disappearing beer and strange gusts of wind.
– Supernatural is still looking for ways to replace Bobby, and this week’s professor of ancient things was pretty cool.
– Ewwwwwww milk and people parts are part of the Amazonian initiation practice? Gross. The inclusion of milk makes it that much grosser. Bleh.
Supernatural Season 7 Power Rankings
“The Slice Girls” was an enjoyable one-night stand we can look back on without much regret. But we certainly don’t need to pick up the phone and do it all over again, either. Let’s rank it in the upper-middle tier of this so-far lackluster season.
1. “Shut Up, Dr. Phil” (Episode 5)
A pair of witches needed some couples counseling in a gory fun-fest that guest-starred Charisma Carpenter and James Marsters.
2. “Death’s Door” (Episode 10)
Bobby fought for his life and delved into his past as he tried to deliver a message to Sam and Dean from beyond the plane of the living.
3. “The Mentalists” (Episode 7)
More standalone fun as the brothers investigated murders in a town full of psychics.
4. “Meet the New Boss” (Episode 1)
Castiel got all righteous on those who didn’t respect The Good Word, and it was great.
5. “Adventures in Babysitting” (Episode 11)
Sam and Dean coped with Bobby’s death and met a fellow hunter’s young daughter.
6. “Slash Fiction” (Episode 6)
Two Leviathans disguised themselves as Sam and Dean and took off on a cross-country shootin’ spree!
7. “The Slice Girls” (Episode 13)
Dean had a one-night stand with an Amazonian lady, and Sam took Dean’s Daddy card away.
8. “Hello, Cruel World” (Episode 2)
The Leviathans set up a buffet at a hospital after spreading into the water supply.
9. “Time After Time” (Episode 12)
Dean traveled back to 1944 and battled the God of Time with Eliot Ness.
10. “How To Win Friends And Influence Monsters” (Episode 9)
Hyperadrenalized cannibals and stoner sandwiches! Dick Roman’s plan was sort of unveiled! And Bobby got shot!
11. “The Girl Next Door” (Episode 3)
Via flashback, we saw Sam’s first kiss… with a monster! Then Dean killed her.
12. “Defending Your Life” (Episode 4)
Dean went on trial before Osiris because of the guilt he carries. Jo came back to blow him up!
13. “Season 7, Time for a Wedding” (Episode 8)
Too. Much. Becky. Larson.
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom