One of the reasons we love going to the movies is to escape. Escape to another world, escape from the stresses of our everyday lives, escape from the mirrors that don’t make our beer bellies look smaller no matter how hard we suck it in. So now that ‘Warrior’ is here to guilt-trip us on the money we’re wasting on the gym membership we never use, we thought we’d look back at the other actors and actresses who make us feel like the schlubs we are. It’s not their fault, they’re just doing their jobs, but read on to see who we secretly hate for looking so damn good.
Most of the world was introduced to Hardy through his scene-stealing turn in ‘Inception,’ but ever since catching his breakout performance in ‘Bronson’ two years prior, we’ve been head-over-heels for Tom Hardy. He’s the rare actor whose muscle mass is matched by his acting chops, and considering the superhuman amount of iron he had to pump to look like Lou Ferrigno and Vinnie Jones’ love child, that’s saying something. Bonus points for the hardcore tattoo collection.
Physical Highlights on Film: Growing muscles on top of his muscles and having traps the size of Everest in both ‘Bronson’ and ‘Warrior.’
Most Insane Physical Feat: Going from this to this.
Gerard Butler in ‘300’
Never before have we felt so disgusted about our bodies than when we walked out of ‘300’ and immediately went home to start doing sit-ups. Even though Gerard Butler wasn’t the only one rocking eight-pack abs on the set, playing King Leonidas and having one seriously epic beard sure didn’t hurt matters. It’s too bad he hasn’t kept up the Adonis look over the years, but as we sit here at our desks palming our love handles and rubbing our food babies, we’re in no position to talk.
Most Insane Physical Feat: Completing the ‘300’ workout without dying.
We don’t know how he keeps doing it, but if we had to guess how Christian Bale went from a living corpse in ‘The Machinist’ to a walking, talking bicep in ‘Batman Begins,’ we’d put our money on voodoo witchcraft. Word on the street is that director Christopher Nolan almost didn’t give Bale the role of Bruce Wayne because he was too muscular to fit into the Batman suit before shooting began. It’s not often we hear about someone being limited by their physical prowess, and we’re pretty sure it’s terribly unhealthy to lose and gain weight at such a outrageous pace, but Bale seems like he’s got things under control.
Physical Highlights on Film: Looking like a perfect male specimen in ‘American Psycho,’ looking like a bonafide crackhead in ‘The Fighter,’ and looking like Grizzly Adams’ gaunt little brother in ‘Rescue Dawn.’
Most Insane Physical Feat: Putting on 100 pounds of muscle in six months, then having someone create a fan site in honor of his epic physical achievement.
Little-known facts about Jason Statham:
• Was a member of the British Olympic diving team for 12 years
• Lists “mixed martial arts” as a personal hobby
• Ran a full marathon on a dare without having done any long-distance training beforehand, completed it in 3 hours, 51 minutes
• Works out six days a week with a former Navy SEAL
• Has dated supermodels Kelly Brook and Rosie-Huntington Whiteley
Yes, every movie he does is the same as the last, but when you’re a living example of peak physical fitness and know three different types of unarmed combat, something tells us Jason Statham doesn’t get a whole lot of flack over his career moves.
Physical Highlights on Film: Primarily the ‘Transporter’ movies.
Most Insane Physical Feat: Probably the running-a-marathon-on-a-whim thing, which also earned him a fan site.
Hilary Swank in ‘Million Dollar Baby’
When Swank first signed on for ‘Million Dollar Baby,’ she couldn’t even do a pull-up. From that point on, she worked out for four hours, six days a week, tacked on 19 lbs. of muscle, and powered through a blister on her foot that was so bad that it nearly hospitalized her for three weeks. It’s no easy feat to look tougher than Clint Eastwood, but Swank got it done and kicked a serious amount of arse in the process.
If only someone had moved that darn stool …
Most Insane Physical Feat: Going from this to this and winning a much-deserved second Oscar for it. You go, girl.
You know what most people do when they reach their 60s? They get an AARP membership, buy a time share in Del Boca Vista, and throw out their backs during shuffleboard. But what does Sly Stallone do? He hits the gym, puts on more muscle than he’s ever had in his life, and goes back to making action movies where he gets to kill people wholesale.
Retirement? Retirement’s for suckers. We can’t even imagine the kind of multi-vitamins Sly is taking to get so jacked these days, but we’d sure like to meet his pharmacist.
Physical Highlights on Film: A lifetime’s worth of iconic training montages and racking up a body count of 236 in ‘Rambo,’
Most Insane Physical Feat: Gotta go with those arm veins. Things look like they’re about to pop.
Just kidding! Now quit taking your shirt off.
Physical Highlights on Film: Struttin’ those abs in the ‘Twilight Saga’ movies.
Most Insane Physical Feat: We have to give it to him, those are some pretty crazy abs for a 19-year-old.
So which other actors inadvertently make you feel out of shape?
‘Warrior’ photo courtesy of Chuck Zlotnick.
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