What to watch on Wednesday, February 15…

Let’s just get our priorities straight here: FIRST is buying up tons of Valentine’s Day candy at steep discounts. Television comes in a distant second. Save me a red-foiled peanut butter cup?

Survivor: One World
It’s back! Primetime’s finest hour of HD nature photography and amateur swimsuit modeling! Oh, right, and strategy. Brutal, brutal strategy. Survivor‘s 24th season (the fourth to film in Samoa) centers on the concept that both tribes—divided along gender lines—will share the same beach, thus encouraging much clandestine scheming behind bushes. Tune in to experience first impressions and see which of the 18 castaways will be the first to get the boot.

9pm, ABC
Modern Family
Tonight Phil and Claire come to regret getting too drunk around Mitchell and Cameron’s friends. It’s a tale as old as time, really.

10pm, ABC
In “Chaos,” unexpected drama breaks out at Emily’s engagement party, putting her loved ones in jeopardy. Elsewhere Charlotte struggles to deal with the knowledge of her family’s treachery, and Jack searches for Amanda. (Check behind the green screen!)

10pm, USA
Royal Pains
Everyone in the Hamptons needs help this week: Hank helps Jack deal with his illness, plus Boris’s cousin asks Evan to help her repair her relationship with Boris. Meanwhile Jill’s nephew turns to HankMed for help dealing with his boss.

10pm, Bravo
Top Chef: Texas
Has Top Chef gotten kinda of trashy with its challenges lately? Forcing chefs to stumble blindfolded or ride bikes around town begging for ingredients? I don’t know, but the shenanigans continue tonight when the final four travel to British Columbia to compete in Winter Olympics-inspired challenges prior to cooking their meals. Because all great chefs can successfully fire a rifle in the snow, right?

American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox
One Tree Hill, 8 p.m., CW
The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC
The Women of SNL, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., VH1
Whitney, 8 p.m., NBC
Are You There, Chelsea?, 8:30 p.m., NBC
Suburgatory, 8:30 p.m., ABC
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS
E! News Special: Whitney Houston: Last Days of a Legend, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., E!
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., Syfy
Only in America With Larry the Cable Guy, 9 p.m., History
Oprah’s Oscar Special, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., OWN
Remodeled, 9 p.m., CW
Rock Center With Brian Williams, 9 p.m., NBC
Happy Endings, 9:30 p.m., CW
CSI, 10 p.m., CBS
Dark Minds, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Face Off, 10 p.m., Syfy
Hot in Cleveland, 10 p.m., TV Land
Law & Order: SVU, 10 p.m., NBC
The Challenge: Battle of the Exes, 10 p.m., MTV
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!

Bill Maher on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Claire Danes on Colbert Report, 11:31 p.m., Comedy Central
Deadmau5 on Last Call with Carson Daly, 1:35 a.m., NBC
Greg Kinnear & The Drums on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:35 a.m., NBC
Jon Cryer & Morena Baccarin on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Jon Stewart on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Reese Witherspoon on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Sean Combs & Miley Cyrus on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Tom Arnold on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS

What are you watching tonight?

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