CMA Awards: Brad and Carrie’s best jokes!

Brad Paisley and Paisley and Carrie Underwood have become quite a fine comedic duo over the past few years, so it’s no surprise they’re back to host the CMA Awards for a fifth year. It’s also no surprise that they totally nailed the opening.

Below, check out some of their best quips:

(Singing to the tune of “Moves Like Jagger”)
Carrie: “Gaga and Bieber, they’re all rage”
Brad: But they’re not the first ones to throw up on stage,
Together: They’ve got the moves like Haggard / they’ve got the moves like Haggard / they’ve got the (whistling)”

Brad: “I can’t keep track of all these trades… Peyton Manning is a Bronco.”
Carrie: “Tim Tebow is a jet.”
Brad: “The greatest trade of the year had to be the Kennedy family, who somehow traded Arnold Schwarznegger for Taylor Swift.” (Carrie then explained that that Swift and Conor Kennedy have apparently broken up, which led to…)

Brad: “Are they ever gonna get back together?”
Carrie: “Never.”
Brad: “Never?”
Carrie: “Never.”
Brad: “Ever?!”
Carrie: “Ever.”
Brad: “Ever?”
Carrie: “Ever.”
Brad: “Never?!”
Carrie: “Never.
Brad: “Never?”
Carrie: “Never.”
Brad: “Ever?”
Carrie: “Never.”
Brad: “Never?”
Carrie: “Ever.”
Brad: “Never?”
Carrie: “Ever.”
Brad: “Are they ever getting back together again?”
Carrie: “Like, never.”

Brad: “His first kiss was Carrie Underwood… way to peak at 12, kid.” –on Carrie’s recent liplock with a youngster

Brad: “See I ran into [Little Big Town] back stage…. they told me what motorboatin’ really means.”
Carrie: “What are you talking about? It’s about boats.”
(Brad whispers into Carrie’s ear and demonstrates proper motorboatin’ form)
Brad: “It’s too bad Dolly isn’t here tonight.”
Carrie: “Thank God Dolly isn’t here tonight!”

Brad: “Tonight we are honoring the great Willie Nelson. We’re also simultaneously going to strip you of all your CMA awards.”
Carrie: “Because Willie, it appears there have been some doping charges.”
(In the crowd, Nelson shrugs and says “guilty.”)

Carrie: “Tonight’s gonna end with with handcuffs and subpoenas.”
Brad: “With what?!”
Carrie: “Sub-poenas.”
Brad: “Oh, like legal documents.”
Carrie: “Legal documents. Yes.”

What did you think of Brad and Carrie’s hosting performance so far?