Dancing with the Stars Week 5: Whose Most Memorable Year Was the Most Memorable of All?

Darn you, Dancing with the Stars. 

We put a lot of effort into being the stone cold personification of DGAF most of the time, but DWTS’ most memorable year episode never fails to make us hate ourselves and the liquid flowing down our faces. Stupid emotions!! 

In all seriousness, we teared up during nearly every dance and/or intro package tonight. We were also so happy to see that thanks to those damn emotions, everybody really brought their A game to the party tonight. 

On the other hand, we kinda suspect the judges of judging based on emotions as opposed to dances, because quite a few couples got the same score for dances that were not equal in skill. 

Anyway, now that we’re down to one DWTS a week, somebody had to go home, and that somebody was…Nobody. Because Tom Bergeron lied to us! 

Basically, “most memorable year” week is one big sham to get us to cry and vote a lot without raining on anyone’s parade, and we fall for it every single season. 

Let’s just talk about the dances, shall we? 

Maureen McCormick and Artem Chigvintsev: 24/30 

Maureen’s most memorable year was when she met her husband, and if you weren’t moved by her love, or by Artem’s tears, you might just be a robot. 

Calvin Johnson and Lindsay Arnold: 24/30 

As big Remember the Titans fans, anything football-related set to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” will automatically have us applauding through our tears, even when the dance is about happy times and Jerry Rice. 

Jana Kramer and Gleb Savchenko: 26/30 

Stunning. Never before have we seen someone so beautifully nearly fall right on their face. 

Ryan Lochte and Cheryl Burke: 24/30 

That was the best dance Ryan has ever done but we cannot stop laughing at this GIF we made and we’re sorry but also not that sorry. 

Laurie Hernandez and Val Chmerkovskiy: 25/30 

The judges saw some major mistake but we saw no such thing in this Sia-vibed performance. Are we blinded by the Hernandez? It’s very possible/absolutely the truth.

Marilu Henner and Derek Hough: 27/30 

One of those gorgeous tearjerkers that ended in hugs from the judges. We should have known this would be a non-elimination week! 

Amber Rose and Maks Chmerkovskiy: 24/30 

Despite the fact that (or because??) she was dressed like disco ball Barbie, this seems a lot closer to Amber’s cup of tea than wigs and props. Also, “It’s Sunday and I have heels on,” is a phrase we’re now going to be using regularly during melt downs. 

James Hinchcliffe and Sharna Burgess: 29/30 

The dancing was great as usual but the music did not fit. It was too fast for a tango, and was not helped by the insane lights that made it hard to actually see the routine. Love James, but did not love this.

Terra Jole and Sasha Farber: 27/30 

Yeah there was no way they could send someone home after that. Once again, best dance she’s done so far, and “Stand By Me” did not help our emotional state, which is currently in shambles. 

Who had your favorite dance of the night? Let us know in the comments!

Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.