What to Watch Tonight: Modern Family, Psych, and American Horror Story

What to watch on Wednesday, December 7…

Aside from being cold, what are your evening plans? Might I suggest a selection of television shows to keep you company while you’re cold? Voila:

9pm, ABC
Modern Family
In “Express Christmas,” the various modern family members decide to celebrate Christmas early and immediately, so they all split up to carry out their various tasks: Mitchell, Alex, and Lily must find a tree; Gloria’s in charge of the ornaments; Jay wraps gifts with Cameron; and WE just kick back and enjoy ourselves (despite our cold fingers and toes).

10pm, FX
American Horror Story
The season-long arcs continue to unravel as Violet learns more about how the ghost system works. Plus we’ll get a fuller story about how exactly Larry burned his face, and Constance will be questioned by the LAPD. (Since when is camp a crime?)

10pm, USA
Psych
A broad-daylight murder prompts Shawn and Gus to hide the only witness at a remote commune which is home to “eccentric” individuals. Basically it’s Sister Act but with crystals instead of crucifixes.

9:30pm, ABC
Happy Endings
A reluctant Max somehow agrees to play Santa Claus for Penny’s charity event, plus Jane accidentally gives her housekeeper too much of a Christmas tip. We’ve all been there, right? (P.S. What is a housekeeper?)

10pm, TV Land
Hot in Cleveland
The ladies join Victoria on a gay cruise when she’s invited to be a guest speaker. But will Victoria and Joy’s pretend-lesbian relationship stand up to scrutiny when they both develop crushes on the ship’s handsome captain? Everything about this seems reasonable.

10pm, ABC
Revenge
Things aren’t quite as festive in the Hamptons when Victoria’s power struggles continue to sour her relationship with Conrad. Elsewhere, Emily exploits one of Nolan’s secrets in order to get at Tyler, plus Amanda could get used to her new lifestyle. And really, who can blame her? I think most of us aspire to be surrounded by greenscreen one day as well.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF…
40 Winningest Winners of 2011, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., VH1
Survivor: South Pacific, 8 p.m., CBS
The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC
The X Factor, 8 p.m., Fox
Suburgatory, 8:30 p.m., ABC
America’s Next Top Model, SEASON 17 FINALE, 9 p.m., CW
Baseball Wives, 9 p.m., VH1
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., Syfy
Harry’s Law, 9 p.m., NBC
Work of Art: The Next Great Artist, 9 p.m., Bravo
I Hate My Teenage Daughter, 9:30 p.m., Fox
CSI, 10 p.m., CBS
Law & Order: SVU, 10 p.m., NBC
Moonshiners, 10 p.m., Discovery
The Real World: San Diego, 10 p.m., MTV
State of Play, 10 p.m., BBC America
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Toddlers & Tiaras, 10 p.m., TLC
Top Chef: Texas, 10 p.m., Bravo
The Exes, 10:30 p.m., TV Land

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Adam Carolla and Neil Diamond on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Jane Fonda and Russel Brand on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Jessica Biel on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Michael Moore on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS
Trace Adkins on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Zac Efron and Coldplay on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:35 a.m., NBC

What are you watching tonight?