The Situation Headed To A Bookseller Near You This Election Day

After you’re done casting your votes Nov. 2, head on over to the racks of your local bookseller. The wealthiest guido to ever fist-pump his way across the Garden State, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, will be unveiling his first literary masterpiece this Election Day — and the tome sounds about as classy as a pair of sweatpants with the phrase “Juicy” embroidered across the ass.

Every self-respecting juicer should own a copy.

Mike describes Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore “as my guide to the ‘Jersey Shore,’ battle plans for the club, a primer on grenades and wingmen, and tips for ridding yourself of all levels of clinger.” Truly groundbreaking stuff. Don’t agree? Allow us to share an excerpt from the riveting chapter on “Creeping in Da Club and Elsewheres:”

“Battle it, bro … The deep, thumping bass seizes hold of your every corpuscle. Let the beat strip away those last vestiges of
… embarrassment as you pound … the air into rhythmic submission. Battle harder. Keep battling, dawg. Never surrender.”

It is just us or do you automatically feel dumber after reading any paragraph that includes the words “Bro,” “Dawg,” and “Elsewheres?” We’re not sure what’s more shocking: A.) The Situation can actually read. or B.) Someone’s actually paying him to write! Perhaps not surprisingly, The Sitch isn’t the only Shorer rubbing his Cooties all over the literary world. MTV docu-soap star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is set to debut her first novel in 2011.