If things hadn’t been spoiled by the money-spinning sequels, I think we can safely say we’d all still be in love with Star Wars. As it is, only some of us are – the tolerant types who are willing to put up with the equivalent of a once loyal girlfriend who now screws anything in sight and for five bucks would… Where were we? Oh yes, loyalty – that quality so redeeming in our furry friends, dogs. Our beloved pooches, pups and mutts would seemingly go to any lengths to keep us happy – and the food in their bowls stocked – but even their faithfulness and fidelity would be strained by these stunts. Here are 10 dogs dressed as Star Wars characters. And sorry, geeks, no Boba Fett.
10. Dog Vader
This impersonation of Darth Vader does a slightly better job of looking menacing than some of the others we’re going to see, but some have contended it looks more like Anakin’s flea-bitten mentor the Emperor than the stooped one’s Sith protege – and those grizzled whiskers do support their case. In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that that face clearly belongs to a tortured soul, we’d have suggested it better audition for the part of the 900-year-old Yoda. What’s that you barked, Fido? “I am your father?” Well I knew my mom was a dog, but…
9. Yappy Yoda
Ah, Yoda, cute, green Jedi Master of mysterious origins, played here by a bulldog of unknown ownership; if we knew who the owner was, we’d be the first on the phone to PETA. When it comes to kitting canine companions out in humiliating costumes from a galaxy far, far away, we’re beginning to learn that size matters not – in fact, for playing the more short-ass characters from everyone’s favorite epic space opera franchise, a diminutive frame – with or without a dribbling problem, worms and a whiffy coat – is positively preferable.
8. Dog Leia
Here she is, the sexiest member of the Star Wars ensemble cast, Leia Organa Solo herself. Oh wait, that’s not Carrie Fischer – unless this still was taken the morning after one of the Hollywood wild child’s heavier booze and drug fueled nights on the town. Yes, folks, you got it right, that doe-eyed pretty is a paw widdle pooch. This get-up is based on the rather more virginal attire Leia wore in Episode IV. Not sure if we’d want to see some barking hound dressed in the metal bikini from Jabba’s palace. Might prove a little too exciting. Woof!
7. Obi-Wan Chihuahua
Next up, Obi-Wan Kenobi, he of the graying beard, Jedi mind tricks and Viagra-deprived performance in a lightsaber duel. Less than imposing appearance aside, this rat – sorry, dog – doesn’t really fit the part too well – and who can blame the poor excuse for a canine? Fact is, it’d probably rather be anywhere else than wrapped in Alec Guinness’s old cloak. What on Hoth possesses dog owners to dress their pets up in this way? If yelps were words, “These aren’t the dogs you’re looking for,” would be the chorus from these pooches.
6. Vader and Leia (joint canine entry)
A joint entry showing a scene evidently deleted by Lucas and co from the original episodes. Never could the real Leia and her evil father have stood so adorably close to each other without the hound on the left getting her lines wrong, and saying the immortal, “I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board!” but in the wrong scene! It’s probably clear by now that there isn’t too much scope for decent canine cosplay, with only a handful of characters’ outfits deemed worthy of humiliating dogs the world over.
5. Dark Lord Doggy
This next canine Vader imitation puts the others to the sword (or lightsaber if you want to get picky). It’s not just the comfort with which it wears the jumpsuit, complete with attached arms, belt and cape; nor even the awesome way that the wide-brimmed helmet sits snugly on its head. But is it that weird squint in the podgy pooch’s eye, or the way its face really is reminiscent of old Darth, when his hat comes off and he’s looking a bit peaky come the end of Jedi? No, losers, it’s none of these things; it’s something intangible, mysterious, like the Force…
4. Dog Yoda
Dunno about you, but when we look at this pic we think three words: One. Happy. Dog. Yep, this mutt really looks like it wants to be there, doesn’t it? Little more than a prop for the props it’s holding up… So anyways, the little fella here is another making a cameo as Yoda, the erstwhile Jedi Master who said: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Well, this guy sure looks scared; hell, it looks angry too; and darn it if we don’t detect a little hate and suffering in that face too. Quelle surprise?
3. Pooch Princess Leia
Easy now, boys. We know Princess Leia Organa is just about the hottest bit of stuff in sci-fi, but this isn’t the future Mrs Han Solo squeezed into the iconic slave girl’s bikini that excited a generation of schoolboys. No, this is Leia in the decidedly more prudish “headpiece/wig and golden jumpsuit with attached arms.” Which isn’t to say we wouldn’t give the dog a bone… Where were we? Once again, we almost forgot we weren’t looking at our Carrie but rather her canine equivalent. Must be that the heat from all this fur has gone to our heads.
2. Bowwow Ewok
It’s Wicket of ‘I’m a fuzzy little creature that’s going to ruin the end of Jedi with my cute and cuddly ways’ fame. Not really. It’s actually a yappy little mutt – though granted, the distinction is a fine one. One is an irritating little furball you wouldn’t object to seeing being carried off in the talons of a large seagull; the other is… an Ewok, a tree-dwelling teddy-bear even the most cold-hearted kid wanted to see strangled by a Stormtrooper. Truth be told, this is a Brussels Griffon, the very breed on which the Ewoks are said to have been based.
1. Ana-canine Skywalker (Darth Vader)
Darth Vader was just about the scariest thing alive to a wide-eyed pre-schooler. That asthma sufferer-inhaling-asbestos breathing problem, that predilection for stepping out of the smoke and lifting up hapless, one-line-wonder supporting actors by the throat with a good dose of the old Force… Maybe it’s just that we’re older now, but why is it this particular incarnation of the Dark Lord of the Sith doesn’t quite inspire the same sense of fear in our hearts? Must be the dumb headpiece that looks more like a baseball helmet.
Bonus Entry: Chewie
OK, no canine cosplay in this, our bonus entry, but still not a bad representation of everyone’s favorite long-haired co-pilot, Chewbacca. So, a Wookiee but no R2-D2… Get designing that costume, animal cruelty nerds…