Celebrities

After the ‘Bachelor’ finale: Why Nick & the last woman standing will never, ever…

It’s so lovely and exciting to think that Nick Viall and the woman he picked in Monday night’s finale of “The Bachelor” will live happily ever after… But here’s the thing: They won’t.

We love a fairytale ending as much as the next person! But if Nick andVanessa Grimaldi were given truth serum and had to admit the reason they each signed on for Season 21 of “The Bachelor,” neither would say true love. And even if by some magic they were looking to get married, odds for them to ever walk down aisle together is slim. Only one of twenty leading men on “The Bachelor” has ever married his chosen bachelorette.

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But both of them just look so totally in love during Monday night’s (March 13) “After the Final Rose” special, right?!

Well, this is Nick’s fourth time on a “Bachelor” show. If you could win awards in reality TV performances, he’d have an EGOT. And Vanessa is an actress. Literally. She has an IMDB page. She has an agent in Canada from before filming even started. I’m sorry, full-time special-education teacher? People, we’ve been fooled…

Bachelor Nation producers never want aspiring actors on the show because it makes it that much harder to make audiences believe that they’re there for the right reasons, and not just the overnight fame. However, if it was mentioned even once that Vanessa has worked as an actor, been featured on shows like “Blue Mountain State,” and “Being Human,” we’d be a lot less suspect.

We’re not saying she was fake the entire time. Vanessa was definitely crushing on Nick and vice-versa. But the show’s entire season films over seven weeks — that’s an insanely short amount of time to fall in love with someone and also be ready to marry them. Vanessa at least has the chops to make her feelings seem believable.

Maybe Vanessa’s always loved acting, and auditioned for whichever shows filmed locally for extra money. Maybe it’s just a fun hobby. But the fact that it was never brought up leads us to believe her work as a special-ed teacher is merely her day job. It’s what pays the bills, but her true passion in life is acting — and whether producers instructed her to stay mum about it or not, knowing that information changes everything.

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Now, it was clear Vanessa was “the one” ever since that gravity-defying one-on-one date. Even though she threw up, Nick was so smitten over this trilingual beauty that it didn’t matter. Their connection seemed real, and Vanessa became an instant fan favorite. But maybe what was left off-screen was their honest conversation about how Nick is only on “The Bachelor” so he can garner enough fame to compete on “Dancing with the Stars,” and she, to boost her presence in Los Angeles.

That’s right. After what seems like hours in which she battled with Nick over not wanting to move away from her family in Canada, she did so immediately. Right now, she can say it’s only temporary while he takes his ballroom dancing lessons — and “begrudgingly” moving to Hollywood looks a lot better than excitedly hopping on the first flight out. These two will pose for their “People” cover, ride this wave of publicity opportunities and go to every A-list party they can get an invite to, and then they will break up.

Things wouldn’t have worked out with Raven, either. While the clothing boutique owner’s gleeful dance after her fantasy suite date was a ridiculously cringe-worthy staged ploy — since Nick didn’t even sleep with Raven that night — at least she doesn’t have an acting resume, and she’s never had a talent agent. Such is proof:

And one more GIF of Raven’s snow dance, just because…

That was a lie. We love you, Raven — but one more couldn’t hurt.

Save for her fake post-first orgasm skipping through snow routine, the Hoxie native is the more genuine of the two finalists this season. She’s the perfect mix of adorable and low-key crazy — which is why our fingers are crossed that we’ll soon see her again on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

Nick is a 36-year-old man-boy who is still not ready to get married, and probably won’t sign on to another Bachelor Nation show, since that would be too obviously thirsty even for him, at this point. But after his run on “Dancing” ends, Nick will mostly likely be gunning for his own reality show. And soon he’ll be kicking himself that he didn’t propose to Corinne. Because a Nick and Corinne “Newlyweds” spinoff would’ve been an instant sell and made for some fantastic TV.