ABC usually runs a tight ship when it comes to spoilers for Bachelor Nation shows. Contestants sign ironclad confidentiality statements, agreeing that if they give away any spoilers, they will essentially be condemned to a public walk of shame like Cersei in “Game of Thrones,” and prompt a social media death. That’s what made the network’s announcement of Nick Viall as its next “Bachelor” star during “After Paradise” last week was so surprising: They spoiled their own finale!
RELATED: ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ conspiracy theory: Jared & Ashley I.’s master plan leaves Wells in the lurch
The one couple about whom viewers have been kept unsure, Nick and Jen, will obviously not be getting engaged on the “Bachelor in Paradise” finale Tuesday night (Sept. 6). Meanwhile, the three other couples have somehow been given free reign to gallivant publicly around town, promoting their new relationships. Most fans are already well aware who will be getting down during the Season 3 finale.
So why bother watching this two-hour event? It’s all about the journey. The insane, must-watch, dramatic journey of what these people keep calling love.
1. Evan’s proposal
This guy could take any normal situation and make it awkward as all hell. Chalk it up to that it quality. So, a proposal on national TV to a girl who’s way out of his league is destined to be one of the most cringeworthy “Paradise” moments ever. Poor dear Evan is going to mess this up so bad — and does Carly really want to marry a guy who’s never learned how to properly kiss a woman?
Apparently she does — for a few months of free publicity and a televised wedding sponsored by ABC, at least — and claims to have fallen head over heels in love with him.
Keep your eyes glued to Carly’s face. Will she break out into laughter and admit this whole relationship is a joke? Or will we find her staring into Evan’s eyes, excited to parent his three boys and spend her life known as the woman who fell for the erectile dysfunction doctor? Either way, that’s good TV.
2. Nick’s explanation
Did Nick know he would be the next Bachelor before or after he broke things off with Jen? In Part 1 of the finale Monday night (Sept. 5), he said he was falling in love with her. It’s truly curious as to how he’ll explain himself — or rather, how masterful ABC’s script for him will be: How can they expect us to flock to Season 21 of “The Bachelor,” if it turns out this already off-putting star is also a flat-out liar?
Will he be straight up with Jen, and tell her on national TV he was given an offer he can’t refuse? Or will he lead her on: He’s falling in love, but not yet ready to take the plunge? Lots of tricky footwork here. One “After Paradise” stumble, and producers may find themselves wishing they’d never made that last minute choice of Nick over Luke.
Will Josh meet Amanda’s kids?
It’s hard to imagine Amanda saying yes to a marriage proposal from a man who has yet to meet her kids. Josh talks about his dog like it’s a child — and the fact he finds the two comparable is a situation in itself — but he has no idea what it’s like to be an actual father. You’d think Amanda would make the producers fly her kids out to “Paradise,” if she’s seriously considering a new stepdad for them.
This couple is the least favorite among the last few standing in “Paradise.” Everyone seems to think Amanda’s making a huge mistake with Josh. But she’s a grown woman and can make decisions for herself.
The central issue is that she’s also making this decision for her two daughters. Is she really ready to settle for the aggressive, moaning, pizza-obsessed excuse of a man that is Josh? Only time will tell. Our sympathies to her kids, if she’s hasn’t.
4. Grant and Lace bets
This couple is a terrible hot mess, even for reality TV standards. They already have tattoos with their self-dubbed couple name, “Grace,” but there’s zero chemistry here.
Will we naysayers see something during the finale that might change our minds? Or will we spend the hours after the finale making bets on how long these two will last? We’ll take the under of seven months: Within the year, both Grant and Lace will be seen making appointments at tattoos removal parlors.
“Bachelor in Paradise” Season 3 finale airs Tuesday, Sept 6, at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.