‘Big Brother 13’: David Hasselhoff brings ‘Same Name’ to the hamsters

So Cassi went home because Jordan couldn’t go against her alliance in the “Big Brother 13” house – will that come back to bite Jordan in the butt? We shall see. Don’t forget to sign up for the live feeds so you don’t miss a moment of “Big Brother” this summer.

Post-HOH

Lawon hilariously says that Rachel evicted Cassi because she didn’t want Cassi stealing her “Big Brother” spotlight – “Who’s house?! Rachel’s house! Whoop!” Lawon cracks me up, I wish he got more Diary Room time.

Brendon talking-heads that Rachel is the brains of their operation. Um. Sigh. Also – I was mostly on board with the old pairs joining the house, but dammit, the newbies need to step up and win something! This is starting to smell like The Boston Rob Show and that was boring as hell to watch. Get it together, newbies. Stop doing whatever the veterans tell you to do.

When Rachel gets her HOH key, everybody lies in wait to pelt her with pillows. It’s marginally amusing, but I suppose when you’re trapped in that house like they are, that probably seems really hilarious. We see Rachel’s pictures and hey – your sister’s the pretty one!

She reads her letter and Jeff hilariously gives a talking-head about not knowing Rachel was engaged. Hee. It’s much funnier than it sounds here.

Wheelin’ and dealin’

Adam comes to Brenchel and says he wants to work the veterans, but Rachel smells what he is shoveling and knows he’s not to be trusted. Lawon takes his butt-kissing HOH turn, but they can also tell he is just sucking up to them.

I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK

So it turns out Dominic snores like a lumberjack. I am engaged to someone like that – you just gotta go and roll that sonuvabitch over.

Luxury Competition Extended Commercial for “Same Name”

No Have Nots this week, woot woot! A guy nobody knows comes out and says whoever guesses which celebrity this guy shares his name with goes to the Diary Room, makes a guess and will win a prize. It’s David Hasselhoff and the first two clues are soap and some binoculars and Jordan gets it right away! Holy balls. She also calls them opera sunglasses. Can’t you just picture Jordan going all “Pretty Woman” and trying to keep them up the wrong way and then saying the opera was so good she almost peed her pants? Totally.

Brendon guesses Michael C. Hall, which – what? Porsche and Adam are a bit closer with Michael Jackson and Ricky Martin. Lawon guesses Barbra Streisand, like she would have ANYTHING to do with this show. Also – bald guy in the backyard shares the name. It’s not “Barbra Streisand.”

So in the backyard, after all the clues, is the famous David Hasselhoff and the “Knight Rider” car. The Hoff is a great sport about it all. Jordan is revealed as the winner and she chooses Jeff, Shelly and Kalia to join her on the “prize” where they watch the pilot episode of “Same Name” in the HOH room. Rachel is super pissed that Jordan didn’t choose her. Of course she is.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Brendon fight about something stupid. Must be Sunday. Brendon, run. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE before you are shackled to this woman with a child. He threatens to leave the show, saying something about jeopardizing his Ph.D. to be there (um dude, if it meant that much to you, you would not be there). All the other hamsters sit in the dining room and can hear Brenchel fighting, it’s pretty funny. Brenchel really are terrible losers.

Jordan says she didn’t want to take Brenchel because they would smooch all the time during the reward, plus they win challenges a lot, so it’s like – spread the wealth around. Rachel’s gonna be even more pissed when she finds out they got sushi, I bet you anything.

Brendon then takes Rachel’s anger about not getting chosen for the reward to suggest they backdoor Jeff and Jordan. Oooh, after they didn’t do that to you? Sneaky. The Brenchel fight then takes a weird stream-of-consciousness, rambling, teary fustercluck. I mean, what are they even saying at this point?! Nobody knows.

More wheelin’ and dealin’

Dominic takes his turn kissing up to Brenchel and they actually seem to believe him, which is weird. To his credit, Dominic talking-heads that he needs Brenchel in the game to keep the target off him because they are the biggest targets. Brendon thinks the two of them team up with Dominic and Daniele and get out Jeff. Rachel says the second strike against J & J was not taking her to the reward. Oh, gag me. Just shut your piehole, Rachel.

Backdooring Jeff is fine. Whatever. I mean, I’d rather watch J&J than Brenchel, but I get the strategy. But stop with the whiny b**** move of doing it because they didn’t take you on the reward! That is weak and so childish.

Dani knows she has to get the couples to turn on each other, so she plays Rachel’s anger and insecurity like a violin to suggest that they backdoor J&J. So Jeff and Jordan pow-wow with Brenchel, who deny being upset about not going on the reward. Jeff then points out that last week, he and Jordan could have backdoored them and didn’t. Somehow I don’t think Rachel cares.

Nomination Ceremony

Rachel nominates Dominic and Adam, which leads me to believe that if Brenchel or Dom/Adam wins POV (or possibly Dani, if she plays), then Jeff is heading home via backdoor. Also – how huge do Rachel’s boobs look in that shirt? Like, worse than normal. She has clown boobs, y’all.

Photo/Video credit: CBS