Hatchet [Blu-ray]

Hatchet [Blu-ray]

Studio: Tcfhe/anchor Bay/starz Release Date: 09/07/2010 Run time: 84 minutes Rating: NrAdam Green’s Hatchet is a goofy, gory gas that pays tribute to the slasher boom of the 1980s by placing more hapless teens in the path of an indestructible maniac. Said killer is Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder, Jason in many of the later Friday the 13th entries), a deformed Louisiana swamp dweller who returns from an apparent fiery death to lay waste to a mixed bag of tourists and Mardi Gras revelers who’ve wandered into his turf on a “haunted swamp” tour. Hatchet doesn’t exactly surpass the movies it’s spoofing; Green’s characters are dopey ciphers, and Crowley’s indiscriminate killing spree negates his sympathetic origins. But the dialogue is glib and the performances funny (especially Parry Shen as the tour’s unlikely guide and Joel David Moore as the lovelorn hero), and ’80s horror aficionados will appreciate John Carl Buechler’s outrageously gross effects (which get more screen time in this unra

Rating: (out of 158 reviews)

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5 thoughts on “Hatchet [Blu-ray]

  1. Review by Chrissy Nadeau for Hatchet [Blu-ray]
    Rating:
    It was actually kind of nice to watch a first time director that actually loved the horror genre. Sure, there were tits ahoy! and buckets and buckets of blood. But to not have cgi was very refreshing. You can tell that the director really cared about the making of this movie. There was a certain type of glee in the different types of killing employed. He even managed to get some big time horror names, Kane Hodder ( whom if anyone knows me at all—im a HUGE fan) and Robert Englund.

    The plot line is generic, a swamp tour in louisiana run by a asian guy that has no clue about the lore of the locals, or piloting a boat, for that matter.Once that boat runs aground, the usual mayhem accurs. Kane Hodder plays the villian, Victor Crowley, really terrifying and scary. It really is a “must-see” for any horror fan. If you watch the extras ( which I highly recommend) you find out a little tidbit about Kane Hodder, that when he plays a monster, he doesnt let the rest of the cast see him wandering about in make-up, the first time we see him in full-makeup is the first time the “stars” see him, also. It really is funny because half of them look like they peed their pants.

  2. Review by Zachary Hackett for Hatchet [Blu-ray]
    Rating:
    Just think, New Orleans, city of American Voodoo, built on the edge of a swamp. There’s aligators in the swamp. There’s something else too in this throwback to 1980’s type slasher films. If you were young back then you probably remember going to the theater, these kinds of movies were always better shared in the dark, with about a hundred other people. Sadly, I only got to share it with my cat, but fortunately, I didn’t get all that scared.

    I laughed a lot though. Yes there was a bit of tension, but you knew what was going to happen, who was going to get axed. Still the thrill was there. And the effects were outstanding. I didn’t know you could rip a face apart from the mouth. Maybe you can’t, maybe you can if you’re very strong. Our people hunting, bad guy, deformed Victor Crowley, played by Kane Hodder, is strong and he dispatches those who have entered his domain sans permission in a variety of bloody and gory ways that will put you right back in that movie theater. This is a fun movie, campy too. And it’s one I’ll be watching again and again.

  3. Review by Raul Duke for Hatchet [Blu-ray]
    Rating:
    it says it right on the cover “oldschool american horror.” if you go into this expecting an Oscar winner, you are obviously gonna be disappointed. this is a no frills, no holds barred slasher flick. on the other hand, the villain’s appearance among other things really keep me from taking it very seriously. part homage, part spoof, Hatchet deffinitely gets the job done.

    the killer is one Victor Crowley. born with various deformities all over his body, he grew up secluded in his home with his father. that is, until the day some local kids accidentally start a fire in the house. Victor’s father accidentally killed him with a hatchet while trying to get through the door to save him. now he wanders those same woods and swamps looking to dish out some pain in return for his own.

    starts off with a relatively traditional horror intro (you know what im talking about)

    cut to a couple days later. the main character(“villain” from Grandma’s Boy! also in Accepted) of this movie is highly unhappy at Mardi Gras and looks into a haunted swamp tour for some alternative entertainment. most of the characters are fairly cliched. you got the paris hiltonish girls (eh), the hero, the token back dude, the sensitive guy, the completely helpless old couple, and the sleaze. traditionally, it doesnt take too long for the chaos to begin.

    a fairly over-used formula at this point, but just like “The Tripper”, “Hatchet” manages to be supremely entertaining with an extremely interesting kill or two thrown in for good measure. plenty of blood and guts to satisfy any horror fan, but probably not grisly enough for the most jaded of gore hounds. kills with nothing but bare hands, kills with the ominous hatchet, and a power tool may even just get thrown in there. the action does not disappoint. while i didnt find it genuinely scarey at any moment (they hardly ever are), you feel a little tension at times, it has very satisfying death sequences(victor can be so creative!) and some surprisingly good humor, its an extremely entertaining horror movie. recommended to fans of the genre, especially slasher fans. most others wont get it.

  4. Review by Ronald Hammond for Hatchet [Blu-ray]
    Rating:
    Yes, this film is a spoof, kind of, at least in my opinion, from the bountiful bare breasts to the buckets of fake blood used in this non CGI horror flick.

    The movie follows your basic nice guy who just got dumped Ben and his pal Marcus who are partying hardy in New Orleans, but Ben wants more so he nags Marcus into going along on a Haunted Swamp tour. Big mistake. Marcus doesn’t want to go, but when he sees some guy is making a cheap X type movie with a couple hotties who do beaucoup de flashing, then Marcus is up for the trip.

    Basically the tour is a boat right though the swamp after dark. Naturally there’s a good looking, non-breast baring babe for Ben to pal up with. Also there is a middle aged couple who get good and killed early on. The killing, that’s something else. Remember I said no CGI. This stuff was done the old fashioned way and it’s gory. Not so gory as to chase a girl out of the room, spoofy gory, if you know what I mean.

    Lot of tension, good action, bad acting, terrific Victor Crowley as the deranged axe wielding weirdo all combine to make this creepy film really enjoyable.

  5. Review by Beth Saboori for Hatchet [Blu-ray]
    Rating:
    Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m not a big fan of horror movies. I like horror stories a whole bunch, but seeing the blood and gore on the big or tiny screen usually doesn’t do it for me. Maybe I don’t imagine it as bloody as it really is. That said, I have to say I really enjoyed this film. It was campy and fun.

    Yes, heads were ripped off, cut off, ripped open and cut open. Victor Crowley was ugly as sin, but kind of likable too. But the scary part for me is the thought of being alone in the swamp after dark. Well, our erstwhile heros weren’t alone, they were in a group, but Mr. Crowley viciously rips and tears into the group witteling them down with tons and tons of blood and gore and really super special effects.

    And all during the movie I wanted to scream at the screen, “Don’t do that!”, “Don’t go there!”, but of course the folks lost in the swamp did that and went there and bad things happened to them and I just loved it. I don’t really know why, but I did and I think you will too.

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