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Here’s All the Swag They’re Not Allowed to Send You

‘Tis the season for lots of swag, as long as you’re not within the Academy

steve pond

At a celebration at Musso & Frank’s to have fun the house video launch of Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood” on Monday evening – which is to say, a celebration that was designed to drum up awards votes greater than to advertise DVDs or Blu-Rays – a fellow voter for critics’ awards plopped his plate subsequent to mine, launched himself and struck up a dialog. Almost the very first thing out of his mouth was, “So, what do you do with all that stuff we’re getting in the mail?”

I knew precisely what he was speaking about. This is at all times the time of yr when DVD screeners are accompanied by numerous packages of swag – however this yr, the stream of goodies arriving on the door appears significantly heavy.

The humorous factor is, the aim of each studio and each campaigner this time of yr is Oscar nominations, then Oscar wins – however Academy members are the one group of voters to which you’re forbidden from sending any promotional gadgets. So the strategy is a roundabout one: If any person sends me one thing cool and will get my vote for the Critics’ Choice Awards, then perhaps that film will get a nomination, and perhaps a couple of extra Oscar voters discover it.

And at this level, I really feel compelled to level out that I’m not implying you will get my vote by sending me one thing cool. You can get my vote by making an incredible film. Sending me stuff, cool or not, largely makes me marvel the place I’m gonna put it.

Which I’m now questioning concerning the two packages that arrived whereas I used to be writing that final paragraph. Both have been from Netflix, which is especially, um, beneficiant this time of yr. One contained a vivid purple pair of bed room slippers – papal purple, you may say, since they are saying “The Two Popes” on them. The different is a really plush, cream-colored blanket, with a discreet leather-based patch in a single nook that reads, “Marriage Story.’ A Noah Baumbach film.”

Anyway, for the good thing about Academy members who don’t get these things, I believed I’d compile a listing of what’s stacking up in my front room and workplace at this second – in different phrases, what I’ve acquired within the mail over the past couple of weeks.

– Red “Two Popes” bed room slippers
– A “Marriage Story” blanket
– Two hardcover “Marriage Story” books, one dedicated to Adam Driver’s character and one to Scarlett Johannson’s, in a cream coloured slipcase
– An opulent determine from “Missing Link”
– An eight-pound “The Irishman” espresso desk e book
– A bottle of Windsor Vineyards cabernet sauvignon from “The Irishman,” with “For Your Consideration Best Picture” on the label
– A package deal of Bottega Calocco panettone from “The Irishman”
– A hardbound screenplay to “The Irishman”
– A hardbound screenplay to “Marriage Story”
– A hardbound screenplay to “The Two Popes”
– A bottle of avocado oil, a jar of bourbon lemon marmalade and a trucker hat from “The Biggest Little Farm”
– A jar of peanut butter and a jar of bourbon figs with vanilla & smoked salt from “The Peanut Butter Falcon”
– A bottle of Ernie Els white wine from Charlize Theron, with a word selling “Bombshell”
– A tin of tea from “Downton Abbey”
– LPs containing the music to “Us,” “Missing Link” and the documentary “5B”
– A 45rpm single containing a part of Randy Newman’s rating to “Marriage Story”
– A espresso desk e book about “Rocketman”
– A espresso desk e book about “Missing Link”
– A espresso desk e book about “How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World”
– A espresso desk e book about “The Black Godfather”
– A hardcover movie-companion e book about “Little Women”
– A “Knives Out” field containing a flask, earbuds, a transportable Go recreation and a tube of Advil
– A hardcover copy of “Just Mercy” by Bryan Stevenson
– A signed web page from the…

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