We kinda feel like we just personally got eliminated from The Bachelorette.
Tonight’s fantasy suite adventure was brutal, starting with the elimination we were dreading: poor, poor Luke.
Despite having treated JoJo to the most beautiful hometown date before pulling her aside to tell her he loved her, JoJo still sent Luke home. She then cried and cried as if it hadn’t just been her own decision that sent the best remaining guy home right after he professed his love.
Turns out sending guys home right after they open their heart was JoJo’s theme of the night, and it was actually way more fun to watch the second time around, just because the reaction was so very priceless. But we’ll get to that!
After JoJo cried her eyes out over letting Luke go, she promptly forgot about him in the interest of spending the night with the other three guys.
Robby was up first, and he only continued to establish that something about Robby bothers us. Is it how he calls her Joelle? Is it how his dad leaves notes in his son’s jeans? Is it a combination of those two things, plus everything else about him? We may never be sure.
He and JoJo enjoyed a day in Thailand while she explained that she will definitely not pull a Ben and tell Robby she loves him back, but she loves how Robby tells her he loves her literally all the time. That quality, coming from a guy we’ve known for a month and like 3 dates, would creep us out, but JoJo’s very into it. Good for you, JoJo!
They spent the night together, but it wasn’t such a night of unbridled passion that JoJo didn’t have time to carefully stow her shoes on the nightstand, instead of on the floor, where shoes belong.
“We’re eating our first breakfast together!” she remarked the next morning, as they ate their first breakfast together, just before they struggled to say goodbye.
Jordan was up next, and JoJo made him go on a hike that he didn’t seem all that into. They were both out of breath halfway through, long before JoJo covered her shoulders for their trip to a sacred temple, where no kissing is allowed.
“Don’t kiss me,” she had to tell him, because their physical chemistry is just so intense that they’re incapable of sitting normally for a few minutes in a sacred temple. (Remember the sacred temple in Bali where Chris Soules said goodbye to Kaitlyn? We will never forget.)
JoJo had some sort of strange worry about the future, and Jordan was just really concerned about getting her dad’s blessing. One of those concerns seemed much more legitimate than the other one, because Jordan really couldn’t say what his life would be like in a year or two, and JoJo started showing some serious anxieties. How would he know he’d still love her in a year or two if he didn’t know what his life would be like?
It was a good question, and Jordan pulled out a movie-esque answer about how he’s never felt this way, blah blah blah. It worked, and they headed off to the fantasy suite, as if they were ever not going to.
“We’re eating our first breakfast together!” she remarked the next morning, as they ate their first breakfast together, which sounded awfully familiar.
After Jordan’s date, JoJo was conflicted. She’s in love with both Jordan and Robby, and knew she would have to choose between them, and then oh yeah! There’s still another guy left. Awkward!
JoJo’s date with Chase involved smelling like fish, dealing with fish drippings, and kissing fish, which was yet another indicator that Chase was not even on her radar.
They took a boat ride, and Chase remarked on all the wildlife, like fish, and monkeys. Chase got real into those monkeys, and we were once again reminiscing over Chris Soules’ trip to Bali two seasons of The Bachelor ago.
JoJo tried her hardest to make it sound like Chase still had a chance, gushing about what a great time they were having, but that gushing lasted only until…Robby showed up, yet again confirming that we don’t like Robby.
Robby showed up to JoJo’s Thailand apartment as a surprise while she was getting ready for the rest of her date with Chase.
“I keep thinking about you, dreaming about you,” etc etc. He might as well have added, “I thought about you as I watched you sleep last night. Wanna see the pictures?” Our creep alarm went off, but JoJo just loved how Robby is full of surprises.
Finally, Robby left and JoJo headed to dinner with Chase, where he laid it all out on the table. He’s afraid that Jordan had to work a lot less hard than he did, but he understands what love means now.
“I know what man you deserve, and I want to be that man, and I want to smear that lipstick,” he told her. Where has this Chase been all this time?! Pick him, JoJo!
Alas, that was not to be. They went to the fantasy suite, but it was probably not the fantasy Chase envisioned.
“I’m 100% in love with you,” he told her, along with a bunch of other sweet things. She kissed him, but after taking a quick break to collect herself, she dropped the bomb: His feelings are not returned.
This is where Chase became our new hero. His reaction to JoJo’s rejection was just filled with perfect gems of angry sass: “I 100% regret saying that,” he says about telling her he loved her, and “So now love equals GTFO?”
“I can’t have this be the last thing you think about when you think about us!” JoJo cried, and Chase was all, “too bad!”
He cracked a beer as he got into the van that would take him away. “So is this my fantasy suite?” he asked.
For some reason, there still had to be a rose ceremony, despite the fact that there was no one left to eliminate, and Chase took that as an opportunity to show up as a surprise.
“Chase was angry and upset, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about…” JoJo was saying, as Chase showed up behind Jordan and Robby.
He wasn’t actually there to try to get JoJo to take him back, but instead just wanted to apologize for how he acted. He resorted to anger, when he really did still have feelings for her and would be there if things didn’t work out with Jordan or Robby. All we have to say is that we loved both his anger and his apology.
So while a monkey looked on, Chase headed back out into the sunset, after having forever found a home in our hearts (at least until the next season of this show starts up).
Jordan and Robby both got their roses, and all ended well…at least until tomorrow night’s Men Tell All special.
The Bachelorette: Men Tell All airs tomorrow night at 8 p.m., and the finale airs next Monday at 8 p.m. on ABC.
