Though “Skyfall” was the most successful James Bond movie in the franchise’s history, director Sam Mendes won’t be on board for the next in the series.

He told Empire magazine it was “a very difficult decision,” but he’s committed to other projects — including a theatrical production of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

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The Oscar winner for “American Beauty” made “Skyfall” the most brooding, personal, and perhaps soul-searching Bond movie yet. So, whoever directs the 24th installment could put his or her own very distinctive touch on the classic series.

With that in mind, here are five completely out-of-the-box, tongue-and-cheek suggestions for 007′s next director:

  • 1. Quentin Tarantino

    <strong>Plot:</strong> MI-6 finds a way to send 007 back in time, along with a new Q (Sam Jackson) posing as his slave, to stop the Revolutionary War by killing General George Washington (Christoph Waltz). <strong>Dialogue:</strong> “I’m Bond, James Bond, motherf*cker! And nothing’s silent.”

  • 2. Judd Apatow

    <strong>Plot:</strong> When an aging Bond impregnates a baccarat dealer (Leslie Mann), he decides to marry her for the sake of the child. But before the birth, he and best bud Q (Paul Rudd) decide to go on one last mission at their 25th high school reunion. <strong>Dialogue:</strong> “I get my martinis shaken, not stirred, because you gotta’ wonder, what’s that guy stirring with back there?”

  • 3. Seth MacFarlane

    <strong>Plot:</strong> The new M (Mila Kunis) assigns Bond a partner: a talking stuffed bear named Ted (the handiwork of Q). When Ted is kidnapped by enemy spies, Bond must rescue him from certain de-stuffing. <strong>Dialogue:</strong> Bond, under fire: “Cover me, Ted!” Ted: “Don’t worry, let’s just sing the ‘Gunshots Song’ … ‘You can’t get me, gunshots, ’cause you’re just God’s farts!’”

  • 4. Terrence Malick

    <strong>Plot:</strong> A leaf falls on Bond’s face. A giant wave crashes on a distant shore. Bond sips his martini slowly. Men in army gear stand at attention. A woman blows out a candle. A supernova takes place in another galaxy. <strong>Dialogue:</strong> After one hour and 17 minutes, Bond intones, “Courage. Strength. Whatever comes.” And that’s all.

  • 5. Lena Dunham

    <strong>Plot:</strong> Jane Bond (Dunham) quits MI-6 after Q dumps her, then moves back home to write the next great British spy series. But she fights with her best friend M, is kicked out of the house, and ends up having sex with a random guy she meets at the Indian takeaway down the street. <strong>Dialogue:</strong> “I just feel like, I thought I knew who I was, this completely awesome and amazing spy, and then I just realized I wasn’t <em>happy,</em> you know? And like the whole Q thing happened, and then my whole relationship with M changed, and I just realized I could be the voice of my spy generation.”

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