What to watch on Monday, July 18.

I don’t know which weekend souvenir is worse—my sunburn or your ostentatious neck tattoo. Get a grip, girl! Oh well, you live and you learn. Let’s share a bottle of aloe and watch these items:

SEASON 11 PREMIERE, 9pm, Teen Nick
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Sorry, ABC Family lineup and any show involving teen pregnancy on MTV, but Canada beat you to it. Degrassi‘s been shockin’ your mom and scarin’ kids straight for, like, centuries now and its alumni just won’t stop invading pop culture (see 90210, Vampire Diaries, the Billboard charts, etc.). Tune in for tonight’s eleventh season premiere of this four-times-weekly Canadian telenovela (basically) in which Sav will attend a Keke Palmer concert (haha, fine) and meanwhile Drew and Bianca will get real.

ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8pm, Lifetime
Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story
Finally, J. K. Rowling gets her moment in the sun! Hey, check out this Lifetime original biopic about a plucky young British mom who became a billionaire by ripping off Roald Dahl. Haha, just kidding, Harry Potter fans. (But seriously, am I right, Matilda fans?) Anyway, this thing stars Without a Trace‘s Poppy Montgomery and it seems crazy and/or inspirational depending on your level of cynicism. To me it just seems essential.

ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, HBO
Mann v. Ford
Apparently it’s considered “illegal” to dump toxic waste onto an Indian reservation over the course of several decades? News to me! HBO’s newest documentary movie concerns the Ramapough Mountain Indian tribe in New Jersey and their class action lawsuit against Ford Motor Company.

9pm, ABC Family
Switched at Birth
As switched-at-birth Bay continues trying to make sense of her actual family tree, she thinks she finds her birth father online. Dang, Jeeves really DOES know everything! Just kidding, I bet she Bing’ed it.

10pm, MTV
Teen Wolf
Derek, the apparently unkillable dreamboat werewolf, goes on the run from Stiles’ sheriff dad, plus Scott faces his second full moon, which is very important to a werewolf who can basically shift whenever he feels like it. I’m not saying I understand much of anything about this show, but also I think I LIKE this show? Hopefully Alanis Morisette will write “Ironic pt. 2″ so she can talk about me and Teen Wolf.

SNEAK PEEK, 10pm, HGTV
Selling LA
As if the New York version of this show didn’t give me enough anxiety nightmares, here’s a spin-off about all the mansions in my OWN town that I will never, ever get to set foot in. In tonight’s “sneak peek,” a realtor tries to help a race-car driver find a multi-million dollar bachelor pad.


PLUS NEW EPISODES OF…

Adventure Time, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
Basketball Wives, 8 p.m., VH1
Eureka, 8 p.m., Syfy
Hell’s Kitchen, SEASON 9 PREMIERE, 8 p.m., Fox
The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The Bachelorette, 8 p.m., ABC
American Pickers, 9 p.m., History
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel Channel
HGTV Design Star, 9 p.m., HGTV
Hoarders, 9 p.m., A&E
Man vs. Wild, 9 p.m., Discovery
MasterChef, 9 p.m., Fox
RuPaul’s Drag U, 9 p.m., Logo
Single Ladies, 9 p.m., VH1
The Closer, 9 p.m., TNT
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Alphas, 10 p.m., Syfy
Behind Mansion Walls, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, 10 p.m., ABC
Intervention, 10 p.m., A&E
Pawn Stars, 10 & 10:30 p.m., History
Rizzoli & Isles, 10 p.m., TNT
Surprise Homecoming, 10 p.m., TLC
Surviving the Cut, 10 p.m., Discovery
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Big C, 10:30 p.m., Showtime

LATE-NITE PICKS:

Donnie Wahlberg & Jordan Knight on Lopez Tonight, 12 a.m., TBS
Elizabeth Banks & Rich Fulcher on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Harrison Ford on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS


What are you watching tonight?

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