Three very diverse films will be released at the box office this Friday.
First up is “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.” Here, 15 years after that traumatic gingerbread debacle, the titular twosome (Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton) are playing bounty hunters out for blood instead of breadcrumbs.
But if you’re looking for less fantastical action, check out “Parker.” Based on the series of bestselling crime novels by Donald E. Westlake, the film follows a thief (Jason Statham) with a finely tuned moral compass — he never steals from the poor, and doesn’t hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. But when a heist goes wrong, he is forced to take a different approach.
And if pure insanity is what you’re craving, look no further than “Movie 43.” With 28 (!) celebrities and directors ranging from Peter Farrelly to James Gunn to Brett Ratner, the flick plumbs the depths of the “ensemble comedy” to bring you unbridled depravity.
Before you make your selection at the cinema this weekend, take a look at our review roundup below!
Josh Modell (AV Club)
Though Parker starts off fairly strong, <a href=”http://www.avclub.com/articles/parker,91593/?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=feeds&utm_source=channel_film”>the action gets more predictable as it meanders toward its conclusion</a>.
Lou Lumenick (New York Post)
“Parker” is watchable chiefly for Statham, who exudes effortless cool and excels in hand-to-hand combat, <a href=”http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/movies/thriller_reaches_real_lo_ASvc8g1BmVz5PyczoPysoI”>as well as demonstrating his skill at wielding some very unlikely weapons</a>.
Connie Ogle (Miami Herald)
It’s made with such skill and smarts that it stands <a href=”http://www.miami.com/039parker039-r-article”>above such eye-rolling blow-‘em-up fare as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s The Last Stand</a>.
Stephen Farber (Hollywood Reporter)
Lots of anachronisms and tongue-in-cheek dialogue establish the spoofy nature of this violent venture. <a href=”http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movie/hansel-gretel-witch-hunters/review/415312″>All that’s missing is a genuine sense of wit</a>.
Elizabeth Weitzman (New York Daily News)
Even if he’s slumming, Renner gets it best: his dry delivery fully acknowledges the movie’s ridiculousness. If you’re planning on entering this fractured fairy tale,<a href=”http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/movie-review-hansel-gretel-witch-hunters-article-1.1247614″> you’ll want to follow his lead</a>.
Andrew Barker (Variety)
While the film rarely provokes any strenuous eye-rolling, it also can’t drum up even the slightest interest in the fate of its characters, <a href=”http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117949093/”>let alone suspense</a>.
Roger Moore (Movie Nation)
Well, they didn’t name it after <a href=”http://rogersmovienation.com/2013/01/25/movie-review-movie-43-doesnt-have-quite-that-many-laughs-in-it/”>the number of big laughs in it</a>.
Josh Winning (Total Film)
Squandering a gold-star cast and as tasteless as a foam dog poo, <a href=”http://www.totalfilm.com/reviews/cinema/movie-43″>Movie 43 deserves not one of your hard-earned pennies</a>.
Laremy Legel (Film.com)
A gaping wound on the side of cinema, a January release that’s yearning to be hidden from audiences, <a href=”http://www.film.com/movies/movie-43-review”>the ugly stinking maw of a Hollywood system that thinks you’re an idiot</a>.
Brian Orndorf (Blu-ray.com)
If your idea of a gut-busting good time at the multiplex is to see Jackman clown around with a pair of testicles on his neck, <a href=”http://www.blu-ray.com/Movie-43/155288/?show=preview”>accidentally dipping them in butter and slapping them on the head of a baby, then Movie 43 is pure gold</a>.