An Indiana Jones-style race to retrieve artifact pieces, a double-barrel breakup, a showdown in a certain someone’s psyche, much stabbing amongst main characters, meaningful jewelry being tossed back and forth between various couples, and a bludgeoning by iron ball do not a dull “Vampire Diaries” episode make.
Let’s just call this episode “Almost Saved By The Bell,” and be done with it: There’s an “Amazing Race”-ish dash to collect the pieces of the bell that can defeat current mini-bad Sybil (Nathalie Kelley), with her and the Salvatores (Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder) against… Everybody else.
The tuning fork is safe with Dorian and Matt, and Matt is on the prowl for the bell itself… But Damon knows where the striker is.
Even though Damon and Stefan technically answer to Cade (Wolé Parks) now, that doesn’t stop Sybil from commanding them to put the striker in her eager hands. Stefan thinks this is the perfect opportunity to burn Sybil — literally — and agrees to accompany his brother to Mystic Falls and tie up this siren-y shaped loose end.
Bonnie (Kat Graham) arrives on Caroline’s (Candice King) doorstep, fresh from Paris and sporting a necklace with a gleaming ruby focal point… Oh wait, that’s Enzo’s (Michael Malarkey) blood, not a ruby. A call from Seline saves Caroline from having to try and find something nice to say about this garish (and Billy Bob-esque) token of affection.
Poor Seline shows up with a proposal for Caroline and Bonnie: She knows a little important something about the most crucial puzzle piece, the bell itself, and since they already have the tuning fork under Dorian and Matt’s (Demetrius Bridges and Zach Roerig) protection, Seline figures they are two-thirds of the way toward the upper hand. Seline very much likes the idea of the upper hand, since that hand can hold any manner of instrument of murder — and brandish it in her sister’s general direction. She insists getting the final piece from Damon will be easy-peasy, since that bloodthirsty dope doesn’t even know what he has.
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Between orchestrating the annual Miss Mystic Falls, and coordinating Matt and Dorian’s efforts to find the missing bell, Caroline has her hands full. Now if only they can find the striker before Damon does… Or just ask in person, since he immediately shows up with Stefan, in their nicest suits — on pageant premises! Sadly, they’ve decided to accessorize their dashing ensembles with Sybil, who promises to keep her attack dogs on their leashes as she gets what she wants.
Luckily Miss Mystic Falls soon triggers some major memories for Damon, as the Elena virus slowly but surely infiltrates his operating system. And on a similar note, Bonnie and Enzo have some serious relationship discussions as he suggests turning her into a vampire so they can be together forever. It’s Bonnie, so she shuts that down — she’s watched all of her bestest pals struggle with the whole immortality thing, not to mention having weekly vampire-related problems that are way worse than everybody else’s generally — and, launching the first of this episode’s many jewelry exchanges, Bonnie gives Enzo his gross blood necklace back.
Elsewhere, Dorian sneaks up and rings the tuning fork in Seline’s ear: Relatively mellow payback for Georgie (Allison Scagliotti), if you think about it. But as Sibyl expains, this supernatural artifact will prove a teensy bit more complicated than assembling, say, a Hemnes TV storage wall unit from IKEA (which is really saying something): Once the bell is assembled, the only family that can ring it is Matt’s. Not exactly a minor detail.
Despite the efforts of both Stefan and Sybil to pull Damon away from the increasing tsunami of Elena (Nina Dobrev) flashbacks, Damon decides that there’s not enough room in his head for both Sybil and Elena: If she wants the striker so badly, he’ll give it to her — upside the head!
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You’d think Stefan would be happy with this turn of events, since coming here to defeat Sybil was something he was pretty excited about at episode’s outset, but no: It’s bringing up some pretty sour grapes about how Elena chose Damon over him! The thing you never thought would happen, is happening!
Stefan insists working for Cade has given his life new meaning — but now that he’s decided to stab Damon, you kinda have to wonder if the distraction of an exciting new career path is half as awesome as Stefan insists it is. Back downstairs, he tosses the striker to Caroline. Well, she’s got something for him, too — a stake in the guts! And his stupid engagement ring!
Soooo Stefan’s breaking up with just about everybody today. Now that he’s fiancée- and brother-free, he can finally devote himself fully to Cade. Maybe Cade will give him a meaningful piece of jewelry, and make it all official.
Once Matt’s got the bell — after a little B&E and a few tussles with local law enforcement, which you know he hates — Dorian shows up with Seline: Time to read the fine print on those bell assembly instructions.
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Enzo gives Bonnie back the necklace, again, and they talk about their future, some more: What’s a mortal witch to do when she loves an immortal vampire? While his idea is that they share immortality, she’s got another idea. What if they share mortality? There is the Cure, after all. (We would say this is the most Bonnie Plan all season, except never forget the recent time she set herself literally on fire to make him be her boyfriend again. A true Bonnie B. classic!)
Stefan’s stabby little outburst notwithstanding, Damon manages to rally — and then chain up Sybil, dungeon style. But just as he’s finally getting some quality gloating in, Sybil unleashes one last burst of mind-control mojo: As she mentioned earlier, his humanity’s return will not be a fun time for him, due to the quality of evil that comes along with double whammy of being a servant of Satan and having no emotions this time.
Sure enough, Damon’s split personality crisis is coming to a head: His Elena-loving humanity is not playing nice with the Sybil-controlled side — and by episode’s end, he’s all but catatonic.
But as Sybil points out: Can the Damon who loved Elena forgive himself for also being the Damon who has gone on two separate rampages, killed Tyler Lockwood, and “stole” his brother’s girl? Stefan’s clearly not in a forgiving mood. Would Elena be more understanding?
And that’s a fairly fascinating question to end on, as we near the end: What on Earth would Elena think about all this? More and more, it seems possible we may find out.
“The Vampire Diaries” airs Fridays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on The CW. Eight episodes remain, and the series finale is set for Mar. 10.
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